I got acquainted with the word through the million-dollar dialogue in the movie, ‘I love you,’ after which the end credits start scrolling. While growing up, all I knew about love was that one proposes, the other accepts, and they live happily ever after. Adulting struck me and made me realise that wasn’t the case; there are several things you learn and unlearn when you enter into a romantic relationship.
One such exciting concept is ‘Love language’. I learnt the term from the book ‘The Five Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman. It refers to one’s preferred way of expressing and receiving love. The book talks about five love languages
- Words of affirmation – expression of love through words, saying supportive things
- Acts of service – helping with chores, lending a hand
- Quality time – spending meaningful time together
- Receiving gifts – expressing love through gifts
- Physical touch – staying close to your partner
On the outer look, it looked like a Western concept that made relationships very mechanical. When I gave it more thought, I realised it was more of a tool to understand our partner better. I can say the most beautiful things, but if I don’t say it in the language my partner understands, I can’t expect them to appreciate or even understand it.
As I thought more about it, I got reminded of several instances wherein people
complain about their partner not appreciating their efforts. Once my uncle got my aunt a very expensive gadget with her name embedded on it for her birthday. But my aunt wasn’t so happy about it and rather complained about all the chores she had to do, even on her special day. Now, I realise they both expressed love in their languages. My aunt might have felt special if my uncle had helped with some household chores and made time for her to relax.
I couldn’t point to one immediately as I turned the lens towards myself. With more thought, questioning, and reading, I learned that we mostly express our love through our preferred love language. I started observing how I consistently expressed love to all, especially my romantic partner, and noticing what gestures of others made me feel loved and happy. It helped me understand my love language. Maybe it might have worked if my aunt had showered my uncle with gifts instead. We can appreciate our partners’ love language in how they express love to us.
Love language isn’t a compatibility screener nor a magical pill for a perfect relationship. It is okay if our preferences don’t match with our partners; as with any aspect of a relationship, it is something we learn and adapt over time. There might be several other love languages other than these five, and it’s not a hard science that is tough to crack. The key is to observe, listen and communicate. Maybe it’s time to play the opening credits after ‘I Love You’ in movies and learn to converse love in the language our partners understand.
