As the old saying goes, ‘Love is in the air’, and it is. Staying in a youth-populated area, I see symbols of love swaying everywhere – in intertwined hands, long tight hugs that linger longer, silent pecks, locked eyes, roadside coffee dates and much more. Opening the door of ‘How did you guys meet?’ opens multiple other doors. The most common ones are schoolmates, collegemates, colleagues, friends of a friend, a distant relative, neighbour, met in the park, party, bus, mall, theatre, grocery shop, etc. Social networking sites are a recent medium gaining popularity among youth, especially dating sites.
One of my friends said, “Dating sites are the easiest way to put yourself out there, to take a step away from singlehood”. When I asked a few of my friends who used dating sites about their experiences, each had a different story to share. Some found their significant others through dating sites and are in a delighted committed relationship; some made amazing friends; some met people with mutual interests and had great conversations; some met people for hookups or friends with benefits; many have stopped with the chat and greet phase, didn’t proceed to meet in person; some lost their spark in the first meet and remembered each other as the one who I went on a date with and many installed the apps just out of curiosity and never used at all.
There are a variety of views on dating sites, from regular users, seasonal users, weekend users, uninstalled non-users, installed non-users, etc. One such view caught my attention and made me rethink my perception of dating sites. A friend who used a popular dating site recently told me, “It’s been almost a month, and I haven’t got a match. I know I’m not so good-looking. No one has the patience to look beyond my picture and read my bio. Maybe it’s not for average-looking people like me”. It made me question if dating sites have reduced people to just their looks. I saw dating sites as a modern way to challenge the traditional Indian notion of marriage. But can it be challenged without changing the views on beauty standards? Are dating sites just another capitalistic venture to dig up our insecurities and make us fail to live up to our idealistic standards?
In introspection, dating sites have played a fair role in changing the mindset around dating and making it more accessible to all. But is it enough? Maybe it’s time for a more significant cultural revolution wherein we challenge how we prioritise looks and beauty standards and use them as screeners to get to know people. I don’t have any answers or solutions. I know that dating sites haven’t changed the idea of dating unless we find some platform that doesn’t screen or reduce us only to our looks. Until then, let love find its way wherever and wherever it wishes!
